Both Lost
by Dino-SOAR
Summary: Mimi's dying. Rogers not sure he can handle it. Rated T just in case. Better than it sounds.


A/N – I was watching RENT for the one-billionth time last night, and decided to listen to the commentary version. Towards the end Adam Pascal was saying that in reality Mimi probably wouldn't have lived much longer after that… Soo…. Without further ado –

**Roger POV**

I walked into our bedroom and sat next to where she was sleeping.

I get scared. What if she doesn't wake up this time?

The doctors said she only had a week left at best. It's been four days.

I tell her I love her every time she wakes up, and every time she goes to sleep and as much as possible in between.

I was scared to leave her side.

Mark tried to convince me to though. He said the only way she can go peacefully is if she knows she won't hurt me.

I told him he was wrong. I told him she needs someone there with her.

He offered to stay, as much as I could tell he didn't want to.

She needs me though.

I stroked her sweaty forehead. I pray now. Who the fuck knew right? I pray that she'll get better for me.

I heard Mark praying. He prayed that she would die. I almost fuckin' killed him. I started sobbing when I saw that he was crying while saying that. How could he say that? _"I'm praying that she won't be in pain any more Rog. Don't you want her to be at peace?"_ I fuckin' hate it when he's right.

He prays for her to die every night now. I don't pray at all. I don't think I know what to pray for. That she'll live with me in pain? Or leave me painless? God, I'm a selfish bastard. But I can't lose another one. I don't think I can handle it.

"Roger?" I heard her tiny, weak voice croak.

I took her hand in mine. "Hey baby." I smiled.

"Can you get me some McDonalds? I'm craving it."

I nod. "I'll have Mark get you some." I was about to call Marks name.

"No." She said as strongly as she could. I raised an eyebrow. "You're the only one that can remember my order by heart. The last time I have McDonalds I want it to be right." She smiles slightly.

I start to tear up at her choice of words. Last time? "No baby. Don't say that." My voice cracks at the end. She looks into my eyes with those gorgeous brown ones I fell in love with.

"Please Rog?" She manages to get out of her throat. I nod, getting up, walking towards the door. "Rog." I turn back around. "Love you." She says, closing her eyes, going back to sleep. I smile. "Love you too. See you when I get back with your Big Mac." I walk out of the loft, telling Mark to keep an eye on her. He nods, not taking his eyes off of the newspaper in his hands.

I walk down the exact stairs that Collins, Mark and I struggled to get her up the stairs, her head hanging limply through our arms.

I walk out onto the chilly sidewalk. I look at the exact place Maureen and Joanna were standing yelling up at the loft that they couldn't get up the stairs with her.

I can't help but think about all the times we've had.

All the moments we shared. It's only been a year.

I should have helped her more.

I remember when she knocked on the door and asked for a light.

Who knew a candle and a pack of matches could have so much meaning?

When she asked me if she had the best ass below 14th street. Hell yes she did. I smiled at the thought of her. We never even had sex. Damn. I mean, we almost did, but it just never happened. I guess I'm not as shallow as I thought. I thought I could only love someone if we were also involved in a physical relationship.

I thought wrong.

"Hey. Can I take your order?" The clerk asked. I looked at him, coming back into focus. I was here already?

"Uh. Yeah. One Big Mac, no pickles or onions. Extra mustard. Large fry. And a strawberry shake." My voice cracked.

"That'll be $4.78," He said as he was done pushing his buttons on the little computer in front of him.

I handed him a five and got my change and waited for her food.

I remember her birthday. Her 20th birthday. She didn't even know it was her birthday 'cause she was too busy shooting up the whole time.

I could feel the tears coming down as I grabbed the bag of food and shake.

I walked home, thinking about our first real kiss.

The first one she practically molested me by coming in my window and shoving her face at mine. Not that it wasn't sexy as hell. But jeez, forceful much?

Our first _real _kiss was amazing. We were freezing our asses off in the snow outside of the Life. But as soon as our lips touched, my whole body was warm.

I smiled just at the thought of it.

Then once we got back inside, she pushed me against the wall after brushing the snow out of my hair and stood on her tippy toes and kissed me. God. What an amazing woman.

I walked up the stairs of the loft to see Mark sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. Right then, I knew.

"Headache?" I prayed.

He looked up at me, with tear stained eyes. Oh God.

"Rog…" He trailed off.

"I told you to fucking watch her!" I screamed.

"I-I-I…" He stuttered.

"You fucking ass!" I punched him square in the nose. His glasses fell off as blood spurted everywhere. "You were supposed to watch her! I told you to w-w-watch her!" I could feel myself breaking. I could feel my heart breaking. I couldn't do anything _but_ blame it on Mark. I didn't know what else to do.

He looked at me in shock. I slid against the loft door down to the ground, my tears slid down my cheeks. "Fuck. Fuck. No. Mark…" I couldn't create a coherent sentence. Mark came over and put his arm around me. "She's not in pain anymore." He tried to make me feel better.

I sobbed at this. "But _I am."_ I sobbed into my leather jacket. Mark could sense my pain. He started crying too.

And we sat there, two grown men sitting there sobbing with each other. Blubbering like babies.

We both lost someone.

I lost my love. Again.

And Mark lost his best friend. Because starting now, Roger would go back to his way of grieving. And this time, he would probably die.

So they both sat there. Knowing that they have just lost someone. For good.

A/N – Reviews? 


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